Pondering Siblings at the BMV

Today I was at the BMV getting our license plates renewed and was trying my best to be patient in the ridiculously long and non-moving line.  Playing on my iPhone passed the time for awhile, but this was a really slow moving line and there is only so much surfing you can do.  Eventually, I ended up people watching and settled on a middle aged man in a wheel chair who was there with a couple about the same age. 

It turned out that the disabled man was the brother of the woman and they were trying to get some POA details sorted out. In her answering of the clerks questions, I learned that she had been her brother's guardian for over 20 years, he could not sign his name, he had never driven, and had always lived with her or in the facility in which he now resided.  They tried dutifully to include the brother in answering what questions he could but there weren't many.  The sister and her husband were so loving toward him and it was obvious that they genuinely enjoyed spending time with him.  

It occurred to me standing in that line that my siblings and their many struggles have never required the kind of constant commitment that this sister gave to her brother.  I could walk away from my siblings at any time and no one would blame me because their issues generally pertained to the stupid decision making and were preventable.  If they had a medical illness like this man instead, would I have been a sister like this woman was?  I'll never know with my brother. He ended up dying from a mix of alcoholism and stupid decision making.  I am still sorting out how to feel about it, but it's definitely a lot of what ifs and should haves.  This woman and her brother, though, reminded me that being a sibling is often a lot about doing what needs to be done for each other and not about keeping score or fairness. 

I don't think that there was necessarily anything I could have done to prevent my brother's death, but I do wish that he knew that I cared and that I hadn't cut myself off from him as much as I had at the end.  It's clear to me that I needed to protect myself and my family from him at the end, but...what if, should have, would have, could have.  I desperately hope that my sister's story will turn out better but I know it's not up to me unfortunately.