One Year

Thursday was the first anniversary of Matthew's death.  One year already. It was weighing on me a great deal the weeks before, remembering those days and how much he suffered.  Not knowing how I would react, I took the day off work and decided to play it by ear and not commit to anything except going to the grave.

I was dreading the grave site as it was the first time that I had been since the funeral.  While being there was said, it was also incredibly peaceful in a way that I wasn't expecting.   Dad, Jess, Noah and I went to together, which I assumed would make it harder through the cumulative grief, but little Noah was a present reminder of how much life has changed in this long year.

Marc took off after lunch and we spent the afternoon together shopping for the kids, which after our time apart, was a nice treat.  It was one of the first warm and sunny days we've had after a rough winter and we ended the day by taking the kids to the park and to Graeter's for "dinner."  At first, I felt somewhat guilty for making the day so enjoyable, but I believe being reminded that life is good and must go on even on this day was time well spent.  Also, knowing that  I experienced it because of my brother made it especially sweet.  Miss you and love you always, Matty.